My Love Life, Timing and The Internet: Part 2

I always thought that I would know the right man when he came along, especially after not having met him these last five years. After my last major relationship had ended, the first two years afterwards I had been alone and I didn’t date. The next two years after that I dated, but nothing serious. In this last year I hadn’t. I didn’t see the point of dating as I was really busy and quite happy with the way my life was going. I wasn’t willing to date anyone until it felt like the right thing to do. I was keeping myself to myself until then. I was asked out often, but I couldn’t even take an interest to meet for coffee. So doing the whole internet dating thing was completely out of character for me.

In thinking that I would know the right man when he came along, there was also a part of me that thought I might be wrong and that I should have an open mind about these things and give people a chance. That is just what I did with Internet Man. I gave him a chance, but when it came right down to it, it just didn’t feel 100%, and I am an all or nothing kind of girl. I am never going to doubt myself again.

No sooner than I decide to say no to Internet Man, The Universe gives me another chance at romance. This time it comes completely out of left field. I love how The Universe works, as you can never determine how things will come to you.

The new man in my life is an old acquaintance and someone whom I have never dated before or would have ever contemplated dating. We met a few years ago on a scuba diving holiday. Now, I meet a lot of people when I go on diving holidays and usually at the end of the holiday we tend to exchange e-mails. Some you stay in contact with and some fall by the wayside.

This man was one of the few I remained in contact with. He was very sweet and sort of looked out for me on my last day when we all went home as I was feeling a bit poorly. We kept in contact with each other on and off over these last few years via various methods of the internet such as e-mail and MSN. I thought he was a very nice and interesting person. If I never saw him in the last three years, it is because I was never attracted to him in that way and he had commitments and really wasn’t in a position for that to happen. The ‘M’ word is a real turn off for me, although I am a sucker for really good conversation.

Communication between us became more frequent once I was made redundant and joined Facebook. It was about that time I also started the blogs, my Aunt died, and I reconnected with other family members all the while looking for full time employment. It was great having instant support from friends and family members.

Around Christmastime I learned that my diving friend was separating from his partner and moving into a new flat. This came as a complete surprise to me as over the years he never really talked about his personal life. (I have since learned that he had been separated already for 18 months.) Having been down this road myself, I offered my sympathies and that was that. He never discussed his personal issues. He is a real gentleman.

Around the time I was having angst about Internet Man, one of my other Facebook friends, an acquaintance that lives locally to me, was having angst about just the thought of dating. So here I am, ever helpful, I suggest that she make friends with my diving friend. I tell her that he is a very nice man. They are both single, so why not? She isn’t sure and will have to think about it. I ask my diving friend to be friends with my friend. ‘Is she as nice as you?’ he asks. ‘I don’t know, but she is very nice’, I say. ‘Is she as attractive as you?’ he asks. ‘I don’t know, she is an attractive woman’, I say. Eventually they both agree to be friends on Facebook, and after a couple of weeks, agree to meet for lunch. Things are going very nicely via Facebook and my diving friend is going to come up here and meet my friend.

On the day my diving friend has his date, I text him and suggest we meet for coffee after. As he has come all this way, I thought it would be nice to see him after all of these years. He agrees. When his lunch is over he calls me for my address. It is 4:30 in the afternoon. Five minutes later the doorbell rings. My friend is at the door with a big smile. I greet him with a big smile and a hug. ‘Hello stranger’, I say. I don’t remember him looking this good. I invite him in. I make a big pot of coffee. My son comes home from work and I introduce him to my friend and the three of us have coffee together.

Eventually, my friend and I are left alone to chat. Nearly three years has passed, but it feels like only yesterday since we had been in each other’s company. I ask him about lunch. He thought my friend was a lovely woman, but that he thought her personal life was too complicated for him. That’s it. What a gentleman. I didn’t press it, as it wasn’t any of my business.

So we play catch up and talk about ourselves and while doing so we realise that something is happening between us. I know it is this feeling that I have been waiting for all of these years as I noticed something when I opened the door earlier. How and why does it happen? How is it possible to not be attracted to a person one moment and then to be attracted to them in the next? Does it really matter? Maybe it is all about timing. In any event, I am trying not to think about it and just enjoy it. I am feeling a little shy and simultaneously I want to be with this person sitting in front of me and talk with him for hours. However, I settle for chatting for another hour and a lovely hug when he leaves.

That is how I have ended up spending those few weekends down at the coast. My friends were right about distance being no obstacle. It takes me about 1.5 - 2 hours to drive down. Once I am off of the M25 the views are beautiful, and the time it takes driving down to visit feels like nothing. I feel as if I am going on holiday every weekend.

I have just spent the best part of a week down here and am feeling more at home on each visit. I feel really lucky to have met such a lovely and wonderful man.

Remind me to thank The Universe later.

My Love Life, Timing and Internet Dating: Part 1

It has been more than six weeks since I mentioned The Internet Man. So much has happened in that time, I barely know where to start.

I last reported that my second date with Internet Man went very well, we were going to see each other again and that I took myself off of the dating sites. Well, two out of three of those things happened. I haven’t seen Internet Man again, and not for lack of trying. Fate or The Universe has intervened. A second date was scheduled. I think I was going to attempt to go up north to his territory and see how the other half lived.

Internet Man and I had regular e-mail contact, so when I hadn’t heard from him for a few days I started to wonder if he was having second thoughts about seeing me again, or that maybe something had happened to him. The man does some extreme sport and drives fast vehicles, so anything could have happened that I wouldn’t know about. Also, he was still on the dating site and maybe he met someone closer to home. My mind was racing with different scenarios.

I sent him an e-mail to ask him if we were still on and if everything was ok as I hadn’t heard from him for a few days. Previously, when I have corresponded with Internet Man I would usually send him a novella and he would reply economically - a complete contrast as the man has no problems with face to face verbal communication. I have found that to be typical of men on the e-mail front. Imagine my surprise when I received a novel back from him. He was sorry he hadn’t been in contact and explained to me in detail about his mother being taken ill and having to go into the hospital.

My first reaction, being the ever compassionate person that I am, was to think, ‘Oh no, the poor guy and his poor mum.’ Then the suspicious side of me took over. ‘Is this his way of putting me off and hoping I will go away?’ Hey, I have been lied to before. Being a Gemini, I also have the annoying knack to see both sides of the coin and to over analyse things. Also, I really don’t know Internet Man very well. We had only just met and had two really nice dates. Who really knows what goes on inside a person’s head unless they tell you?

I was already aware from what he told me about his family that his parents had some health issues. I decided to take the high road and believe him. I replied very sympathetically and supportively that the date could wait until his family situation improved. The last thing the poor man needed was stress coming from me. Anyway, I had already waited this long to go on a date, it wasn’t going to kill me to wait if it was meant to be. I had a lot of things to keep me busy as I was still very pro-active on the job search front.

Every few days Internet Man would send me a report on events and fortunately things improved with his mother. Unfortunately, while his mother was improving, his father had an accident and required hospitalisation and surgery. Talk about bad luck - and the bad me wondering if this was a wind up. The good me took over and offered more empathy and support and reassurance that dating could wait.

By now a few weeks had passed and I was just getting on with my life as usual. I put Internet Man out of my mind as there was really nothing I could do about the situation. From the beginning, I had reservations about internet dating. I still had a very small doubt about Internet Man. It was a feeling I couldn’t put my finger on and which wasn’t about him particularly, it was more about me. Something was holding me back and I couldn’t work out what it was.

My best friend said that I wasn’t that into him. Hmmm. I had to really think about that. Internet Man is a very attractive man - better looking than I expected and quite tall and fit. He was very sweet and polite and felt to me to be a really nice man. I didn’t get any alarm signals being around him. In fact, I was quite attracted to him and was willing to try and find out if something would come out of dating and to see if we would fit, so to speak. I did have reservations about how far away he lived and was told by a few friends that the distance wasn’t really that far and wouldn’t make much difference if we really liked each other. Somehow that really didn’t comfort me and I couldn’t ‘feel’ good about going north.

I have another good friend who told me that just because The Universe offers us an opportunity, that doesn’t mean we have to say ‘yes’. I think that The Universe does send us what we think we need in order to make a good decision, even if it is to say ‘no, thank you’. I really didn’t want to get involved with something that wasn’t going to be right for me, after all I have waited a long time to date again, and I had to pay attention to what my body was telling me. I was feeling a very subtle resistance there was no doubt about that. I felt that what my friend had to say made a lot of sense and when I put the situation into that context I felt a whole lot better.

In some way the turn of events provided me with the space I needed so that I wouldn’t rush into anything and I was, therefore, able to process my feelings. So I thanked The Universe for sending me Internet Man, but that I was going to pass as it didn’t feel 100% right to me. Now I just needed to tell Internet Man and decided to wait until he contacted me.

I eventually heard from Internet Man again to tell me that his parents were on the mend and that he was looking forward to seeing me again real soon, unless my circumstances have changed. They did, I met someone. But not before I already decided to pass on Internet Man. While I was getting on with my life and waiting for Internet Man to get in touch with me fate or The Universe intervened again.

My Baby has a Tattoo!

My eldest came home from University a couple of weeks ago for his grandmother’s 85^th birthday celebrations.

The first thing he did when he saw me was to show me his tattoo. I thought it was a transfer. It is real. I touched it. It doesn’t wash off. My baby is marked for life. He had it for three weeks and I was the last one to know about it. I am not sure why. He discussed getting a tattoo with me when he was home for the Christmas holidays. He had worked out his rationalisations and even though I am not 100% convinced or that I even get it, he is over 21 and it is his body to do as he pleases. I only asked him to think about what he was doing since once it was done, that was it - the tattoo couldn’t be undone.

Maybe he wanted to see my reaction. The last time he went to Glastonbury he came back with a nipple piercing. As soon as he walked in through the door, he lifted up his T-shirt and said, “Look Mum, I got my nipple pierced!” All I could see was a bloody scab forming and a metal bar through his nipple that wasn’t even level. My baby was mutilated!

He doesn’t have the nipple piercing anymore. The tattoo is a different story.

I have photographed the tattoo to document the change on what used to be my perfect (in my eyes) child. Otherwise, how would I really know if it was him if he ever ended up in pieces and needed to be identified?

Apparently a lot of thought has gone into the design of this tattoo and he explained what it meant and how he came up with it. I have been told that this isn’t the last of the tattoos. Even though I can admit that this is an attractive and colourful tattoo, I cannot imagine any more tattoos on my child and how he will end up looking. He is no longer as his father and I created him.

Now his brother is talking about getting a tattoo on his arm.

I think he is just taunting me now.